find the city center

On

2012-02-09T19:10:00.000-05:00

On: Meh. Yeah, I dunno.

2012-02-04T10:57:00.000-05:00

On: so let me have a piece of that Sweet Potatoe Pie.

2012-01-11T09:30:00.003-05:00

Numbers shuffle. I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions so instead I’m doing a 25th year resolution. It’s convenient being born on December 30th; you can pretend that the western world revolves around your birth. I resolve; to live more simply, deliberately and lovingly. This means; spend less money, read, write and draw more, watch online tv less, wake up earlier, smoke less, think more, and spend more time with friends. Because I love them, and I’m too much of a hermit, I can feel my world becoming more internal all the time and soon I’ll go squirrely and agoraphobic if I don’t watch myself. The rest should be easy – especially the money. Going shopping now disgusts me. I can’t stay in stores. All those people…uhg…spending money….even grocery shopping gives me pain now.
Enough complaining. I want to go draining! This is rambly because I slept funny and I’m not awake in my brain yet.
And eat a dandelion. I would like to do that.

On: There is still a wall in front of me.

2011-11-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

Documenting

Between a poem and a poem
There is an age
Of memories emptiness
Who will document nonexistence?
It is the age of the poet

Still

Whenever my head shattered a wall
I said: ‘I still have a head’
Whenever a wall shattered my head
I said: ‘There is still a wall in front of me’

Nabila Zubair – A Sea Haunts Me

On: relating to pigeons

2011-11-14T10:30:00.001-05:00

The first page of my diary-in-progress.

On: The clash.

2011-10-29T15:11:00.000-04:00

I guess I can see why people mistake me for a hipster...

2011-10-25T21:38:00.000-04:00

And this is me waking up.

On: Remembering dreams.

2011-10-25T21:28:00.001-04:00

This is me going to sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeep.

On: Distaining Men, and Oxygen, for Arrogance of them ---

2011-10-14T11:23:00.004-04:00

I never spoke—unless addressed—
I'm here for when ever the club sippin buzz really drunk and I see a fat booty
And then, 'twas brief and low—
Got to have it I'm a grab it cause its a habbit automatic like uzi, with the sick flow
I could not bear to live—aloud—
Make a chick go crazy and plastered tatta its redfoo the dude a true party rockaaaah
The Racket shamed me so—

SORRY FOR PARTY ROCKING

On: with wild abandon.

2011-09-28T18:44:00.000-04:00

Somewhere in the vicinity of Welland a very big very dilapidated property sits. I would Judge the yard area to be at least two acres where stand, but just barely, two sheds, one barn and this house. The ceiling is holes, the floor a mishmash of rot and strange board games, and the floor also is holes.

2011-09-22T18:52:00.002-04:00

Fancy imagery is lacking in this post but sweet sounds will follow; M-O-O-N radio (my AWESOME gothic rock, post punk, new wave, dark wave, etc college radio show) begins again TONIGHT! Wheeeeeee! At 8! You can listen to it online at www.fusionradio.ca

Now imagine a moon here. Or here.
Or perhaps the bottom of an unruly youth.

2011-09-22T00:01:00.003-04:00

NOTE TO SELF

FUCK YEAH

On: new casa and whatnot.

2011-09-19T12:39:00.002-04:00

1) New bedroom, pre-postering/decoratizing. I have managed to cram most of my possesions into milkcrates, a briliant idea I stole from Neil. This will, in the future, nearly eliminate the need to pack, and when you move three times a year (on average) like me this is a great and smelly weight lifted.

2) Ian!

3-4) My neighbours crazy-perdy catty.

On: Reggie's Ren.

2011-09-11T11:12:00.004-04:00

From Kitchen to bathroom, basement to roof, Reggie's renovations knows quality.

On: Nothing to do with anything.

2011-09-11T10:57:00.003-04:00

I just found out that Zack Weiner, Maker of SMBC, is incredibly hot. Like a sexy nerdy viking. Mmmmmm.

Evidence:

End of off topicness.

On: caught in act.

2011-07-28T15:04:00.000-04:00

On: my home, but only for a little while more. Moving, moving, moving, dizzy.

2011-07-25T17:30:00.002-04:00

On: eyes like a frying pan, skin on fire.

2011-07-14T15:15:00.003-04:00

ORP 2011

On: a night out. It was a night out...

2011-06-20T16:13:00.002-04:00

On: 3 HUND

2011-06-18T16:42:00.003-04:00

Oh life! You wacky substanceless wonder! You've tossed me again, like a salad, like other things that and tossed. Frisbees? I dunno man, I don't do a lot of sports.

So some guy (mommy, whats a landlord?) evicted the residents of the Wizards Tower, so no more Kensington life for me. I had planned to know every cranny, every nook, then get to know the crannys again, but t'aint gon be so. Where have I gone too you ask? Tis a glorious lang. A land where no man wears a shirt. A land where all tattoos are prison tattoos. High unemployment, slow pace, canals, cracked streets...no it's not Detroit. It's called Welland and it's AWESOME here. Buildings sit empty on Main Street, some look abandoned, some disused, and some just look derelict though they are still running. Empty factories, empty houses; it’s a playground!

It's kindof like home, actually, but the people are more "white trash-blue collar" where I'm used to "redneck and bible thumping". Either way it actually feels comfortable to be an alien again!

Ahhhh...rent free, a near zero chance of finding work (though I'm sure I'll start trying soon) and a town to explore. Thanks life! Wishes do come true!

Also: heading out to OM next week.
Also: been paintin.
Also: Wheeeee!

To your right you will see clouds over Kensington, ye olde tower (the blue/white window was mine) and...uhhh...me.

On: Towering pitfalls.

2011-04-18T21:09:00.000-04:00

Good morning world, hows about a caffeine+smiles breakfast? Bacon flapjacks? Cat fuzz?

I’m waiting on another move now, waiting and reading quest stories and comics and reading cigarette papers and reading buds and reading reds. The death pit will be refilled without me in it and I’ll be living in a Wizards Tower instead. I’m camping in my own room now, almost everything is in a box. On Thursday I will retire to the country to paint Eastern Eggs and lie on the road at night. It sounds like I’m talking nonsense but actually this is all factual, except for reading reds. I’m not sure how that would be done…actually I am.

I can’t help but still measure years by school periods, with summer constituting some kind of glorious purgatory that isn’t really a part of the year. Then September comes and the New Year melancholy rolls in with the cool air. Three days until I enter purgatory and the most beautiful place on earth.

On: dropping.

2011-04-09T17:48:00.000-04:00

On: blue gloved hands.

2011-04-09T17:47:00.001-04:00

On: Old old old.

2011-03-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

On: beltower lean.

2011-02-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

Reading week has been/is being, as I type this, deliciously wonderful. I spent several days with my beautiful boyfriend; his name is Ian. I went to my parents’ house on Tuesday and spent more days having a lovely time with them. Dad made a horn from the spinner of a washing machine that he found in the garbage; it’s super rad, it’s named the Outside Agitator and I get to paint it someday. We have plans for a second horn that will be a collaborative project employing both of our talents. Mom and I spent lots of time hanging out, going to small towns and eating tasty things. My plan was to go visit Nox and B-Rad and others after that, but an invitation was issued that I could not refuse, and thusly it was accepted. I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Ottawa formulating plans and dreaming of future cuddles. Life is tasty!

On: no biggie, just my favorite self portrait of time thus far.

2011-02-14T10:24:00.001-05:00

On: Racoon house, continued.

2011-02-14T10:17:00.004-05:00

I'm calling this the raccoon house, though I don't remember if that's entirely accurate. Just about all of the houses I've been in had signs of wildlife, particularly raccoons, but this one had been taken over more thoroughly. I used to have tons of pictures from this house; it was only one country block from my parent’s residence so I would bike there on a regular basis, it was positively gorgeous, and I'm quite sad that I have so little documentation remaining. Torn down last year, I think.

On: Do I have to?

2011-02-11T17:49:00.002-05:00

On: HOT TUB HONEY MOON

2011-02-05T12:59:00.004-05:00

1) Exposed piping in the Deathpit (my cherished sub-urban home) 2) The stove in the Racoon house (more on it to follow) taken by my darling father 3) HOT TUB HONEY MOON, the text on a sign for an (I assume) sleezy motel a half an hours walk from my room.

On: underworlds.

2011-01-28T15:42:00.001-05:00

I would like now to introduce two things; my underground obsession and a short film. I’m not sure anymore how it happened; it is likely that Nickolias brought it on me with Infiltration zines and tales of tunnel running, or that the caves at my kids camp and the bat cave exhibit at the ROM started it. Whatever it was it has led me into storm drains and underground rivers, subways and abandoned subways, a handful of small caves and the creepy hole in the basement wall of my parents’ house that leads to a space under the kitchen. This obsession- and for those who don’t know me let it be known that I am a very obsessive person- has recently been revived by an article I found while researching mass property abandonment in Detroit. The article was about homeless people living in storm drains under Las Vegas. I ordered the book, “Beneath the Neon” detailing a reporters experience in those tunnels. Don’t buy this book. It may be the worst piece of shit I will force myself to read since Hausers’ Introduction to Rhetorical Theory. Book review/detailed rant to come?

To feed my fires I’ve been hunting down maps, articles, fiction and videos that include subterranean settings. I’m going to begin posting bits of what I find here, beginning with Andrew Wonder’s spectacular account of urbex in New York.

UNDERCITY from Andrew Wonder on Vimeo.

On: we be gett'n silly.

2011-01-27T14:35:00.001-05:00

Spinnin love in the DJ booth at Fusion. Low chair friction results in low productivity margin...

On: it burns. When I pee.

2011-01-05T01:41:00.002-05:00

Another set of old housing photos. Mom and I drove halfway to pick Nickolias up so that he could stay a week at my place. Judging by my hair and faulty memory this was when I was 17. I guess this house burned down and they hadn't gotten around to knocking it the rest of the way down yet. The sweet spoon that I'm wearing in the last pic was found on the ground in the abandoned subway in Rochester. I took it home, boiled it and got my dad to drill a hole through the handle so that I could have it with me always. It was fantastic for emergency snacking; I still have a problem remembering to bring cutlery. I should probably try to find it next time I'm at my parents house...

On: it's an angel.

2011-01-02T22:29:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite talkies is Perfume, Story of a Murderer. It is the only book to film translation wherein I have found the film to be better than the book; the acting is phenomenal, the script well written and the film is visually stunning- particularly for someone with my love of dirt. My favorite part is the bridge top residence of Baldini. It sparks the same love in me that BLAME! Artwork and drain tunnels and hobbit homes do. If you have not seen this movie and you can handle some gore and weirdness, do try to see it. The following pictures contain only an ounce of the awesomeness that is that film.

On: what a day that was!

2011-01-02T00:27:00.001-05:00

I'm dreaming of a city
It was my own invention
I put the wheels in motion
A time for big decisions

And on the first day, we had everything we could stand
and then we let it fall

On: camera camera.

2010-12-29T00:39:00.003-05:00

Apres computer meltdown I've been uploading my pictures to a skydrive- time consuming but fun as I get to reminisce guilt free. I've decided to post a series of old housing shots. A lot of my old favorite places have since been burned down or plowed under.

This house is a mysery to me. I remember being on the way somewhere. A conservation area perhaps. I think we thought it was an old schoolhouse.

On: the words that will haunt me.

2010-11-27T21:50:00.004-05:00

"And so they smashed all they could smash, creating wars without opponents. Their rage became their art. They no longer wondered if they were good enough to deserve their bodies-their life. Instead, they challenged their bodies to deserve them.

This was not the end of the world, but it was the beginning of sorrows" (Coupland, Generation A, 204)

On: feeling zombified...

2010-11-25T13:43:00.003-05:00

Say it with me and wiggle: HI-ATE-US

Frankenstein, my cannibal computer, bit the proverbial dust (and some actual dust. I cracked the ol’ creation open and wrestles a few bunnies out) and eventually I caved and bought myself a wee laptop. It’s extremely handy for the whole “M-O-O-N radio” bit.

For Halloween I was a zombie baby (or just a regular dead baby, I still haven’t decided). Zombie dad (complete with real chicken skin gore-flaps!) and zombie Che also made appearances. At this party I was too busy dancing my diaper off (mom had to help me tie it so it didn’t really come off) to take many pictures. This whole last month I’ve been too busy dancing through life to take many pictures. I’ve got the itch to lug my mamiya/sekors (name ideas? Anyone? Bueller?) camera around Toronto; this is the most beautiful city I’ve ever lived in, after all, the exception being the fine body which I currently inhabit. It’s good to be a multitude!

PS: This blog is now one year old! When do blogs begin teething?

On: strait to the face.

2010-10-12T12:21:00.003-04:00

I took these head shots of Crystal sometime in May/June. Head shots for, like, a real actress? Does that make me, like, a photographer? Naaaaw...not when it takes five months for me to use up one roll of film.

On: nuit blanche.

2010-10-05T09:41:00.000-04:00

On Saturday night I was surprised by the chance to see an old friend and attend Nuit Blanche. I knew about Nuit, but I had somehow failed to know that it was happening, like, now. I arrived and there was a blizzard. A flurry. A veritable shit storm of people. Small town me was going mad. The roads were closed; I walked right up the middle of Queen. After a little confusion finding each other Neil and I had a lovely time catching up, listening to Kraftwerk and drinking Waterloo dark. It made me smell very bad the next day. It is a good thing that I am so accustomed to smelling terrible.

On: Week two.

2010-09-28T19:47:00.003-04:00

Another M-O-O-N show gone swimmingly. The play-list this week was;
Masochistic Religion- The Vampire
The Smiths- Bigmouth Strikes Again
The Damned- The girl Goes Down
Platinum Blonde- Crying over You
Martha and the Muffins- Echo Beach
The Box- Ordinary people
Dentata- Witches
UK Decay- Stage Struck
Blue Cross- Tough Days
The Blitz- Acolyle
Specimen- Sharp Teeth Pretty Teeth
A Spectre is Haunting Europe- Remote controls
Bloody Dead and Sexy- City Ghosts

On: Success!

2010-09-21T21:26:00.003-04:00

M-O-O-N broadcast number one is complete! Minus a couple of bumps I am quite pleased with the outcome. It certainly felt wonderful to be on the air; an orgasmic rush of...power? Awesomeness? I don't know! But it was great!

When I got to the station the show before me was still in session, so I only had two or three minutes to get set up. they told me before I went on that the computer chord wasn't working, so any MP3's couldn't be played. Luckily they were lying, because all I had was my wee flash drive of songs.

I did my intro and played the first two songs...with dead air in between because I switched the mic off instead of on. Oh my! I'm glad I made a couple of big mistakes on my first show. This means that show #2 will be exponentially more badass. Awww yeah!

Here's what I played;
Secession- Sneakyville
Virgin Prunes- Pagan Lovesong
Tones on Tail- Christian Says
Corpus Delicti- Saraband
Lords of the New Church- Russian Roulette
Bauhaus- She's In Parties
A Spectre Is Haunting Europe- Night Class
Doug & the Slugs- Too Bad
Spoons- Romantic Traffic
Talking Heads- Wild Wild Life
Handful Of Snowdrops- Gabrielle
Ausgang- Armadillo Man

Now I just need to decide whether I'm going to Cadillacs and Cadavers show, or RatTail this weekend. Frack!

2010-09-21T11:55:00.000-04:00

My first broadcast from the

M-O-O-N

is tonight at

six o’clock!

I’ll be playing songs by Secession, Bauhaus, Tones on Tail, Lords of the New Church, Ausgang, the Talking Heads and other badass gothic rock, post punk and new wave bands!!!

Tune in ONLINE ONLY at www.fusionradio.ca

On: M-O-O-N radio!

2010-09-17T12:55:00.002-04:00

Very shortly after arriving in Toronto I got myself to campus to buy books. While I was there I chatted for a while with a very nice fella named George, and filled out an application to host a one hour radio show focused around Gothic Rock, Post Punk and New Wave music. Thus my dream, M-O-O-N radio, has jumped from my head and into the really real world. FUCK YEAH!

There are some limitations. My show airs at six o’clock, so no naughty words. I must play a maximum (wha?) 10% “charted” music during every show. And 35% of my content must be Canadian. These rules are not from the station, they apply to every radio station in Canada.

Originally it was the first condition that had me worried, but the program manager suggested that I play a charted song in the background while I talk; problem solved. I find the shortest top 40 hit and play it really quietly while I mutter. Then I realized what a challenge it was going to be to find enough Canadian music to satisfy the second criteria, with internet that only worked 40% of the time and a genre spawned in the UK as my shows focus.

BUT. Wow. It’s been so much fun! I’ve discovered some really great bands in the last week, and I am being forced, pushed and prodded into knowing my local scene and Canadian music in general.

I need to get my bum in gear on the advertising front. I’ll make some fliers and try to get them up around Toronto. There’s a facebook fan page, called M-O-O-N radio. Everyone I meet on campus has heard of my show. Etc.

To listen on Tuesday go to www.fusionradio.ca and click listen live at 6 O’clock

On: Carnivale.

2010-09-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

On: Move!

2010-09-13T22:12:00.002-04:00

The internet here is in and out daily. I've met a few nice people, and spent some lovely time with Crystal. I have a radio show; first program next week. I like it here so far :)

On: going away.

2010-08-28T11:53:00.003-04:00

Pre-bar gathering for my going away party. Good night; vodka and orange juices were going strong. We went to a bar and a band was playing so our plans for karaoke were ruined, but that may have been a good thing. Pitchers saw to it that I may not have been able to read the lyric-prompter. Played pool, chilled on the patio and made a munchies run (and I gave props to everyone we passed). Brad slept on the floor/couch and the next day we chilled and watched TV. My hangover was outstanding.

On: old knitting whith new knitting in her mind.

2010-08-28T11:46:00.000-04:00

My urge to knit waxes and wanes; lately it has been rather in the waxing but with packing-changing-and making all the preparations for a new life I haven't much had the chance. Until this afternoon I thought that I was moving tomorrow but now Sunday is the day. Dad and I will take the boxes to my new place then I will spend the better part of next week at the ol country estate...but this means that my work in progress is in a box somewhere. Maybe I labelled it?

Anyhoo, this got me thinking about how long it's been since I threw up a crafty post. Too fucking long. So here are a few pairs of gloves that I made...last winter? I had/have a thing for fingerless gloves. Maybe because I have yet to make fingered gloves. Or mittens. This will, perhaps, be my goal this winter!

On: Week 18, purple haze. Superior title replaced with eating.

2010-08-24T16:17:00.002-04:00

On: Struck

2010-08-18T23:50:00.001-04:00

It has been a goal of mine to catch a lightning strike on "film" for a while now. Go me!

On: chillin with Joe's horse.

2010-08-18T23:44:00.001-04:00

On: work in progress. AKA week 16.

2010-08-11T00:45:00.002-04:00

On: 80's night! Under the stars!

2010-08-06T10:45:00.000-04:00

On: Every flavour newness and found whiskey.

2010-08-01T17:36:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago Nox and I broke up.

We’ve been spending lots of time together, asking hard questions and deciding to be friends. The odds are against us but we’ve always been odd. BFF’s 4eva!

I found a place. It’s wonderful! My room exists in the basement of a house. From the outside the house is average with a decorative garden. Upon entering I was struck by the spiral staircase, expensive antiques and other lavish doo-dadery; dark wood and white upholstered living room set, rugs, curtains and hardwood floors. The smell of the nouveau upper middle class. My landlord is an engineer.

Access to the basement is from the outside, I will be having minimal interactions with the upper level dwellers. The stairs are just less than vertical and made of unfinished wood. Water pipes are visible. The “living room” is a bulbous purgatorial hall that happens to occupy the space between the entrance and the kitchen. It is marked by plush chairs and a TV that hangs in a carved out hole in the wall. The living room is pink.

My room is surprisingly spacious, allows for some sunlight to enter and has, for no reason that I can discern, a brick fireplace.

I positively LOVE it. Everything about my new home is perfect, excepting the extremely irksome “no overnight visitors” rule. Fuck.Ing.LAME.

But to be a basement dweller again, to return to my CHUDley roots is a glorious feeling. To crouch in my hovel, eating my poor man’s beans and studying and creating with the rich literally standing over me; it’s perfect. And only a convenient seven minute walk from the school. Fifteen minutes in the opposite direction is a Buddhist meditation center. Huzzah.

Dad, on found whiskey at the bluffs:
“It’s probably piss.” *sniff sniff* “No! It’s whiskey!”
Mmmmmmm.

On: week fourteen.

2010-07-28T09:43:00.003-04:00

My weekly pictures are all caught up to present.

Change is everywhere.

I am in hyper-productive mode. I have almost completed my student loan documents, I have sent away for a new birth certificate (the original has been lost for years. It seems that a photocopy is no longer an acceptable substitute)so that I can renew my health card which expired in January. I have ordered cheques and when I get them I can get my student card and a BYID card to go out drinkin' with. I have been looking at rooms online and will be seeing some on Saturday. I am very proud of myself for doing all of this in two days.

I am getting excited; the future is shiny and very, very different.

On: Nine, eleven and thirteen.

2010-07-27T22:49:00.010-04:00

On: Weeks ten and twelve

2010-07-23T17:30:00.000-04:00

On: They walk up to you hand in hand.

2010-07-11T16:45:00.000-04:00

On: Om Reunion Project rave, in:fuse 2010.

2010-06-27T23:33:00.004-04:00

On: week eight, time in trailer.

2010-06-25T22:50:00.002-04:00

Spending nights in my trailer and writing in my journal in a flashlight spotlight. The power still isn’t hooked up so I spend a lot of time at Nox’s place cooking and eating. I filled a whole notebook with journaling; this is a major accomplishment for me. I have issues of motion, and I am ever leaving things behind me. I can’t fill notebooks, as much as I want to, as much as I love to write. Persistence has finally brought accomplishment, and here I begin book two.

I used to keep a sketchbook, and it was full of wonderful doodles and stoner poetry. I don’t really smoke much pot anymore, but I wish I still made poems. I’ll do that again soon.

This month has been wacky good.
-trailer living/loving (a life goal accomplished: living in a vehicle or caravan)
-four year anniversary with Nox
-Attrition
-got a job (double plus good: I clean silk screens, un-strenuous physical labour. Exactly what I wanted)
-Om reunion (another life goal: go to a real rave)
-transfer request processed; I have been accepted to the University of Toronto Humanities dept

And more?

On: Alva's Palace, an abandoned house.

2010-06-18T01:13:00.002-04:00

On: City lights.

2010-06-16T23:21:00.001-04:00

On: a break from cleaning a trailer, at my parents house.

2010-06-14T11:00:00.000-04:00

On: apres show.

2010-06-13T22:05:00.001-04:00

On: week seven, time flies.

2010-06-12T15:09:00.008-04:00

Welcome to my new home :)

It belongs to my parents. My financial situation was becoming....desperate but not serious. I couldn't find a job and neither could Nox. It was assumed for various reasons that Nox would find the cheapest place possible and I would sleep rough. I went to my parents house to attend the town wide garage sale that happens every year (not in their two street village, in a slightly larger town a few miles away) and my mom suggested; "Well why don't you live in our trailer? I'm sure someone would let you park it on their lawn." And that's what's happening. I spent most of last week cleaning and repainting while my parents were away camping. I returned home on Friday and Nox and I left for Toronto on Sunday to see Attrition and stay with Nickolias and his lovely new intentional community.

I had a job trial on Friday. The lovely and talented Pontius Phallus passed the employment on to me; I will be cleaning silk screens.

Yesterday my parents borrowed a truck (from some of the loveliest people in the world) and hauled my home here. There is another two street town just outside of this city where I know nearly every resident. My trailer is there now, waiting for a bit more cleaning and all my stuff to be shoved in it.

Nox and I went to the dollar store today to get things I will need. Acrylic paint, plastic containers for my beans, stick on wall hooks, OK disco brand chocolate bars, ceiling hook screws and "sacred scents" air fresheners.

On: Attrition, live in Toronto.

2010-06-11T00:10:00.007-04:00

On: Attrition! June 6th at Neutral toronto!

2010-06-05T21:06:00.004-04:00

On: one old house, that one.

2010-06-05T20:49:00.003-04:00

On: fun IS fun.

2010-06-05T20:47:00.001-04:00

Woo.

On: chocolate bars and parking.

2010-06-05T20:00:00.002-04:00

On: sparkling in time.

2010-06-05T11:03:00.004-04:00

The week before this one: I'm behind.

That was an insane week. I didn't think that this picture would be appropriate to represent the week but in the end it was.

I grabbed my life, shook it, and threw it in the air.

It felt fantastic to be so unsure about the future. Not fantastic in a scared excited way. Fantastic to give myself to the universe, fantastic to relax and know it was all going to find resolution, fantastic to be exercising my past present and future. Fantastic and content and bubbling with exuberance.

It's all landed now, and each piece that came down landed where I didn't know it would, each piece affirmed that my universe and I are deeply in love, each piece Makes me want to dance. Maybe I'll go dancing tonight...

On: excessive fun with lights and friends.

2010-05-26T21:37:00.001-04:00

On: fireworks.

2010-05-26T17:43:00.008-04:00

On: war.

2010-05-25T03:08:00.001-04:00

On: PSYCHIC.

2010-05-25T02:26:00.002-04:00

On: darkness and light.

2010-05-24T01:48:00.004-04:00

On: house show, swimming.

2010-05-23T23:59:00.004-04:00

On: fly.

2010-05-22T18:29:00.000-04:00

On: the tracks.

2010-05-20T18:45:00.000-04:00

On: a ghost hand on the window frame. Look where my eyes do, on the right hand side...

2010-05-16T02:46:00.002-04:00

.
.

Pon: de floor.

2010-05-14T20:17:00.001-04:00

On: film.

2010-05-13T23:56:00.001-04:00

Week three

2010-05-10T13:34:00.002-04:00

More sewing accomplishment.

I used bleach and a paint brush to make the stripes on this shirt. The fabric was an old cotton man shaped shirt which I cut up and rearranged to fit me better. It was fun but I felt a little dizzy when I was done; it was raining and I had to do this in the basement.

The pants are also bleached by me. I haven’t decided yet whether they need more work or if they are good the way they are. I gathered and tied the legs like you do for some tie dye and the bleach didn’t distribute evenly in all spots. We shall see if I prefer them this way.

On: Week two, last week.

2010-05-09T13:47:00.004-04:00

Getting some hunting done.

This was one of the lovely last nice days that we had last week who have been hiding since. After this the sky turned into an ocean and fell down. It was terribly dry before so it is an excellent thing to be getting all of this rain, however yesterday rain wasn't enough anymore and snow started. The wind has been out dancing as well, and in its enthusiasm is taking the petals off of flowers and making Tina, T-Rex, Tyrone, T-Ball, think that a hurricane had landed. I think I talked her out of it, but she doesn't trust me much because I refuse to be convinced by her "rabbits are evil carnivores" thing. Proof of the evils of Monty Python, leading poor unsuspecting I-talians to believe in crazy things.

Today the sun is shining. I go outside now!

On: not 365.

2010-05-08T17:36:00.002-04:00

I've been pondering lately on the failed 365 day project that I did last year. I made it all the way to 60, and looking trough those five minutes ago I estimate that one in every five is worth looking at. Not good, but not so bad as to just be deleted.

It seems that the best course of action in this situation is the lazy 365: the 52 day project. So. I hereby dedicate myself to one self portrait every week for the next year. To make this even easier I have an SP’s dating back two weeks to throw up. I suppose that makes it a project 50, but I’m not going to get douchy about what’s who and who’s what.

Allow me to introduce week one: beginning where I began, more or less, which is to say in my bedroom at my parent’s house. It was never so clean when I lived there full time.

On: new pants.

2010-05-08T13:16:00.004-04:00

Those new pants. In progress since September, and shape shifting much to become present. I am very happy with the way they turned out, they fit perfectly.

I used old pairs of pants that I don't wear anymore, more pants from the second hand store (dollar rack) and fabric that I've had around. The zipper is new and gold, and the button is bronzy and from the second hand store. I hate making the waist part of pants so I cut it off of one of the pairs that I used to make the patches and sewed it on around the top; very effective and I think it looks neat.

The fabrics are mostly thin ones so my timing is excellent, though it has been raining here for four or five days. I'll have to go up to the attic to play if I don't want to go swimming.

On: accomplishments.

2010-05-07T01:37:00.000-04:00

I have, as of late, gotten quite a lot of sewing done. This is lovely, as I have never excelled at sewing. This is due to my dislike of measuring, my wild ‘n crazy cutting skills and my tendency to give up when aI discover that my project is lopsided, sewed inside-out-to-right-side-out, too small, or when a shiny sandwich floats into view.

We have those here. Floating shiny sandwiches.

While I still don’t measure with, you know, actual tools, and I still hack at fabric like some kind of human who cuts wood for a living, I no longer give up part way through. It does sometimes take me rather a long time to complete a project-RE the pants I finished yesterday, begun in September- but I do complete the project.

For instance: I have made a serious effort to resuscitate ”The Pants” (see picture at right). The Pants which I always wear, which I have worn for the last six years, which I purchased second hand, which cause love at first sight in hobos, because of which I have overheard people questioning Nox, “Are those the only pants that City has?” This is clearly a serious matter, and has been seriously attended to. Disintegration was occurring so rapidly that I feared to wear The Pants for the entirety of the winter term- the touch of road salt would surely have melted them. The Pants are now entirely wearable and the only concern left is that of the gaping chasm that is their crotch. I have chosen to solve this by wearing boxers and appreciating the summery breeze.

If I may refer you again to the picture at the right of this text you will see that I am not only wearing pants, but a shirt as well. Aint nobody can say I gots no class. I made this shirt at around the same time that I performed most of my Pant repairs, shortly before embarking to Toronto. I count it lucky that this sewing urge coincides with a rejuvenated love for patchy/DIY/messy...fashion (?) as it compliments my sewing inabilities nicely. Huzzah!

On: Zhuangzi.

2010-05-05T12:31:00.001-04:00

"Thus-unlike his Confucian contemporaries Mencius and Xunzi, who sought to offer 'sagely' advice to the princes of the Warring States period-Zhuangzi stepped back and asked whether the various conflicting solutions offered by the thinkers of the day might actually be adding to the chaos. Instead of proposing solutions he offered stories conveying profound insights in lighthearted yet direct and forceful terms."

On: Naive Melody.

2010-05-04T17:16:00.004-04:00

On: house in the country.

2010-05-03T15:52:00.013-04:00

Last week Nox and I enjoyed a glorious vacation at mi casa de padres. We did almost nothing, just relaxing and reading and taking pictures and listening to the CBC and amusing Basko-Dog-Face. The nothing was a total success. And I found some nice skeletons, which always makes my life better.

I told Nox that I would edit his ass crack out of picture number five, but then I changed my mind. If I changed it, it wouldn't really be 'in the moment' you know?

In a drawer gathering dust there was also two mamiya/sekor film SLR’s which I played with. One of them followed me home dragging spare lenses and I have been delightedly playing with it since. I have about ten people who want to ‘model’ for me, and I have already shot two of them. I got the pictures back from development today, however Nox’s scanner washes the colour out of them and I will not post them until they look right.

I started to hand out resumes today. So has Nox.

In: Kensington Market, Toronto.

2010-04-29T19:40:00.001-04:00

On: Faith and the Muse live in Toronto.

2010-04-22T17:00:00.002-04:00

On: fun at the nightlight.

2010-04-18T11:28:00.005-04:00

On: bubbles at night.

2010-04-17T11:45:00.000-04:00

On: newness.

2010-04-17T11:38:00.004-04:00

Another term is over, a great sigh of releif. My first university year is complete, and in many ways a success. I look forward to next year, but at the moment I look forward more to the free time that I will be enjoying until the end of April. Fun with friends, relaxation and sewing, time with parents, Nox and house sitting in the country are all in my near future and are joyously welcomed in place of essays and tests and my horrible religions of the east teacher. This is not to mention the glorious changes that are occurring outside. The grass is green now, buds are jumping out of trees and it seems like the flowers are everywhere. This has been the shortest winter my life has ever seen, when early December the snow wasn’t sticking to the ground yet and in March spring had arrived.

I hope that I have more classes next year that I enjoy as much as my classical mythology class and my EVIL class. Classical mythology was wonderful because I could enjoy an hour of story time three days a week, there were too many names to remember though. EVIL was special in all sorts of ways, it being a religious studies class applying religious theories to systemic ‘evil’ and the ‘evil’ that occurs in modernity. Having a somewhat unconventional religious upbringing and a...certain distaste for Christianity, morality and religion have always been very separate in my mind. I feel that I now have a more balanced perspective of religiosity and I know a bit more about some current issues of capitalism, free trade, consumerism and production, human rights, the environment and animal husbandry. The teacher was really fantastic as well. She’s a new hero of mine.

On Wednesday I sat my last exam (in EVIL), then when I came home I ate and redressed and made bubble mix. Eating doesn’t take much time at the moment, as I had a stomach bug and spent Monday throwing up. I had no idea that bulimia was so effective; I lost five pounds in an afternoon. Nox and I walked downtown to meet Kelly-M-Ehm at the concrete garden that the city built outside of the mall to “rejuvenate” the downtown core. Somehow they hadn’t considered the possibility that skateboarders would live there in swarms, which I think is wonderful. I love watching people fall down.

I found a newspaper that had gotten hold of the news that I had been out “inspecting student areas” again. Har har. They should keep out of my personal life. M was on the cover as well, with a picture from the play that she was in. We blew bubbles from the steps and watched people fall over. We all agree that a bubble party with veggie dyed bubble water and bikes and things would be a lot of fun.

I would like to note that my makeup in these pictures may appear yellow and blue and matte, however it the 3-D world it was bright green and blue and shimmery because I wanted to match the bubbles.

On the way home Nox and I found a toilet on the side of the road. I sat down to read my newspaper and relieve myself, and a fellow exited the house looking at me and said “you’d better not be taking a dump.”

Well. Oops.

Since then I have been sewing, playing the banjulele, reading and more. I finished the two books that I didn’t get to read for my English classes, 1984 and Generation X. I had forgotten how many interesting ideas came to me from my reading of Generation X in high school. It was a good revisit.

On: Faith and the Muse

2010-04-15T22:51:00.004-04:00

Faith and the Muse
Monday April 19th
Toronto

On: music of the Spheres.

2010-04-11T22:53:00.001-04:00

Last night Nox and I went to Crystal’s house to play board games for her roommate’s birthday. On the way there I figured out some of the manual settings that my ultra-wide possesses and I had some fun taking timed shots. Ice cream cake and caramilk baileys were fed to me. We played personal preference, which belonged to Laura where cards with activities or things on them are chosen, then ordered after someone’s preference. Then everyone guesses who/what that person likes the most. Laura has had the game for a long time, and when she was twelve she replaced the people she didn’t know with new people; so where Gandhi was Justin Timberlake now resides. Someone had been replaced by “jolly rancher”.

Earlier on Saturday Nox and I tested out the bubble recipe that I got from my mommy (5 cups soft water, 1 cup ivory dish soap, 2 TBSP glycerin) with a bubble blower made from string and knitting needles. I deem it a fair success, though more practice is required. The bubble solution is so viscous that the bubbles don’t pop so much as they crumple, which is very fun to watch.

I am currently doing some major pants reconstruction, and preparing plans for the trip to Toronto that Nox and I are taking next weekend to see Faith and the Muse. I AM SO EXCITED! I was reading about them of wiki, I had no idea that Faith had such a resume: she’s worked with Christian Death and Sex gang Children.

One more exam to go :)

On: the consequences of sunshine.

2010-04-09T22:42:00.013-04:00

This weekend Nox and I went with Tina and her visiting parents to a local tourist town. I'm not really sure what one is meant to do there, but Tina's parents enjoyed it and that is good. My favorite thing to do there is hang out by ye olde train tracks; theres a restored train that you can ride in the summer and just past that is an enormous old bridge.
We tried to walk across but it was hard. Tina got most of the way to the other side, because she's all hard core, and like way stronger and cooler than me. I managed to get a little of the way along. The problem is that my dad taught me how to walk on old bridges when I was little by walking with the supporting beams under you. However on this bridge there was no railing and the support beams were too close to the edge. Nox barely got on the bridge at all :D
Two exams finished today. I feel good about them both. One more to go!

Scrumpy: SRSLY. He was THAT BIG.

On: stencils; my work so far.

2010-04-07T23:49:00.001-04:00

On: springing.

2010-04-06T17:05:00.006-04:00

On: party for love.

2010-04-06T13:28:00.013-04:00

This weekend I went with my parents to my cousins buck n doe. It was a hot weekend, going into the 20’s, which I have never experienced this early in the year. The poor weather is all confuzzled. We saw the Mennonites getting out of church, and we stopped at house #6666 which I’ve always meant to do.

When we got to my parents house Dad took me for a ride on his new motorcycle, it was glorious. I am strongly leaning towards getting a motorcycle license and getting myself a bike- I just can’t stand to be stuck in the city all summer when I could be on back roads and in abandoned houses and running through cornfields and climbing trees. It’s so green there and so grey here.

Then Dad and Nox and I went back to Shandi’s house to have a look around. Someone has come to strip off the countertops, and the bricks along the back wall have nearly all crumbled off. I’m not sure how it has degenerated so much. I guess that the owner found it too much trouble to rent it out, and now it is far too damaged to do so.

While we were there some women were out riding their horses, and came up the laneway when they saw Basko. There is a door on the second floor that opens onto the roof, so Dad leaned out and confirmed that the dog was ours. “I probably look like I live here” he said to me, and looked in a mirror “Oh, yeah, I look pretty weird. I should have said ‘Come in, we’ll have some tea! What year is it?”

Then we set off to the buck n doe, another beautiful drive. When we got there we went to the park because Pontius P and I had slept there while on our cross South-western Ontario bike trip, and I wanted to reminisce. A nice girl hung out with us our first night. We told her that we wanted to sleep, and showed her our sub terra sleeping pavilion. She came back later-2 AM?- with cookies and played us some songs on her guitar. We didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. The next day we met some drunk punks swimming in the river. One of them asked where we were going, then told us about his adventures in hitchhiking. Then asked where we were going, and told us about his adventures in hitchhiking. I think he smoked too much.

Shortly thereafter a family in spandex bike suits with a baby holster started chatting with us. “on a long trip? You should drink Gatorade.” “What? Why?” “It replenishes your electrolytes.” We laughed and biked off into the sun.

This time we ate a picnic and threw sticks for the fur ball. Later we checked my parents into their hotel room and my things/Nox’s things into my other cousin’s house. We walked around sommore and I threw rocks at/for the dog: he is in a complicated relationship with rocks and likes to catch them in his mouth. If he finds one too big to pick up then he barks at it instead.

The sunset was incredible, but my Samsung ultra wide doesn’t like to take pictures of the sky. Its light balance isn’t very good (I need to play with the manual settings some) and if doesn’t like to focus on anything so insubstantial as clouds, so my canon is still the better for sky shots.

Dad declared “I am going to get drunk as fuck tonight!” and he bought us our first round of drinks. We played a lot of pool, all rounds of which I lost, excepting the very last one. Apparently I need to be drunk enough, then I can win. As the party got going nobody was dancing, so Dad and Nox and I went out and got the party started. As more people arrived it got going. Dad was awful popular with the ladies. This town is a total Hicksville, and as it was Easter Friday and the event was held in a bar, it was the only one open. The place was packed by the time we left, which is great for my cousin/his bride to be. I was happy that no one talked to me. Two fights happened.

My favorite part was how short all the men were. Nox is 6 foot 3 and the pool table was right beside the mens room: when Nox bent over to shoot pool guys would walk by to pee and be the same height as him. All the women were regular weight, but about half of the men were quite short. One of my cousin’s friends commented on Nox’s resemblance to the guy from Korn.

The next day we drove back to my parents house, and on the way we drove through a marshy forest stretch and the spring peepers were thunderous loud. One didn’t even notice that I was there, 1 mm away from his face taking pictures. I guess he needed his coffee after sleeping all winter.

Nox and I chilled, reading on the front porch. I drank sage tea and chatted with mom.

Then back to the city.